Friday, February 18, 2005

Really? At 9:30 In the Morning?

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE:

The scene is an alley outside of Michael's bedroom window. It is 9:00 on a brisk Saturday morning.

Facing the alley, across from Michael's apartment, are the back porches and decks of five rowhouses.

The scene opens with rowhouse-dwelling, hippie neighbor/douchebag surrounded by a motley collection of wooden stumps and not-quite-tree-sized-logs, slicing and dicing them with a gas-powered chain-saw.


Hosting Of My Asshole Neighbor By ImageShack

CHAINSAW: BZZZZZZ!BBBBRRRRRRRRZZZZZ! BBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

(A half-hour later, at 9:30, Michael comes to his bedroom window. He has been lying in bed listening to someone using a chainsaw 20 feet away for the last 30 minutes. Now, he stares out at his neighbor in amazement before opening the window.)

Michael at 9 am

MICHAEL: EXCUSE ME.

(Hippie neighbor/douchebag does not hear Michael over the noise from the chainsaw)

Michael at 9 am

MICHAEL: UM, EXCUSE ME?

(Hippie/douchebag still does not hear Michael. This goes on for 3-4 minutes.)

Michael at 9 am

MICHAEL: EEEXXXXCCUUUSSSEE MMMMEEE!!!

Hippie/douchebag neighbor's wife is out on their back porch and sees Michael yelling in his window, like a crazy person, in his underwear. She tells hippie/douchebag neighbor to cut the engine on the chainsaw.

Michael at 9 am

MICHAEL: IT'S 9:30 IN THE MORNING, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HOLD OFF ON THE CHAINSAWING?

Hosting Of My Asshole Neighbor By ImageShack

NEIGHBOR: (irritatedly, despite wife's sincere apology) IT'S NINE-THIRTY.

Michael at 9 am

MICHAEL: YEAH. I KNOW. IT'S 9:30 IN THE MORNING ON A SATURDAY. SOME OF US ARE SLEEPING IN. DO YOU REALLY NEED TO DO THAT RIGHT NOW?

Hosting Of My Asshole Neighbor By ImageShack

NEIGHBOR: WELL HOW LATE WERE YOU PLANNING ON SLEEPING IN?

Michael at 9 am

MICHAEL: COULD YOU JUST NOT RUN YOUR CHAINSAW OUTSIDE MY WINDOW THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING ON A WEEKEND?

Hosting Of My Asshole Neighbor By ImageShack

NEIGHBOR: sighs/exhales annoyedly

Michael at 9 am

MICHAEL:(closes his window, not quite believing the exchange he just had) WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Someone who looks vaguely like Erin

ERIN: WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

SCENE


Are my hours so abnormal? Is it such a dyonysian extravagance to sleep in until 9:30 or so on a Saturday morning? Is it?

3 Comments:

At 2/18/2005 7:51 AM, Blogger Michael said...

With apologies to Zach for ripping off his picture and dialogue idea.

 
At 2/18/2005 8:15 AM, Blogger Zach said...

How daaaare you!

I was just imitating x-entertainment, and they were imitating i-mockery, and they were imitating cattown, and they were imitating...

 
At 1/25/2012 9:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who cares?? If you don't like this why don't you move. Now we have been subjected to this irritating story on this irritating blog.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home